Play for Legacy

about this episode

Be Coffee - Todd Burnham

episode transcribed

Todd Burnham 0:00
Hi, this is Todd Burnham. I am a licensed practicing attorney. But just because you're listening to me doesn't mean that I represent you. This is for informational purposes only if you're good with that, then let's roll.

Chris Braden 0:20
Season One was about how Todd Burnham started Burnham Law in his basement and built it to one of the most prestigious law firms in Colorado by thinking outside of the box and surrounding himself with the best lawyers and staff in the industry. Now during a pandemic Burnham Law is still growing. How you ask? You walk towards the storm and face it head on and you empower the people that help get you there. It's time to execute. It's time to make some lemonade. It's time to burn the ships. This is Deep Bench with Todd Burnham.

Hey, Todd, What's up, buddy?

Todd Burnham 0:58
Chris? How are you my friend?

Chris Braden 1:00
Good, man. So what kind of feedback did you get from the last couple of episodes?

Todd Burnham 1:06
Number 42 was the last one. Everyone said it was the best one so far. So like, I feel great about that. Like if, you know, felt smooth, and you know, just kind of riffing on certain topics. Right?

Chris Braden 1:19

Todd Burnham 1:19
And, and it leads to these other concepts and things that that really matter. And so I felt I felt really good about it. How about you?

Chris Braden 1:28
No, so I loved all the episodes we've done, because obviously, it's probably the best podcast on iTunes or Spotify? Well, yeah, of course. But the last two episodes, the episodes we did after you got back from Hawaii, the messaging in them and the transition of where you are now, because there was kind of our not confusion is not the right word. But we didn't You didn't know exactly what was gonna happen. Yeah. And everything that happened at for the law firm, was good.

Todd Burnham 2:03

Chris Braden 2:03
And the messaging that you had everything after Hawaii, man, it was just amazing. And like I said, Before, it was a palpable change. I could feel it when you walked into the room, it was awesome.

Todd Burnham 2:17
Well, I appreciate that, man. I'm I feel, you know, it's interesting. I mean, I feel I feel different, you know, but it's also, I can't differentiate between before I got back, like, we wouldn't get back from Hawaii, or if it's now.

Chris Braden 2:32

Todd Burnham 2:32
You know, what I'm saying? So, you know, I got back from Hawaii, and immediately went to Albany, can because my mother, and you know, my mother is someone that if you listen to episode one, this is like, the, my inspiration in life, you know, and, and this is this, you know, this podcast, you know, it just kind of started with just you and I just riffing about the law firm, right? Like, kind of talking about, just how did this happened, and it's something that supports the, the messaging of the law firm, which is excellence and, right, and then it's just, you know, it ends up being about parenting, and it ends up being about, like, just life lessons, you know, and, and so for the past, you know, up until April 27, my mom passed away, and my mom was the person that made me, like, everything about me. And if you listen to the messaging in the podcast, it's all about, you know, latching on to male role models. Because really, I have my uncle now and, and coaches. And, and so her passing for and it took, you know, it was going back and forth, she was in the ICU. And that, that time period, and especially, you know, being by her side, when she passed away, was the hardest experience of my life. Like, I mean, the just in trying to trying to still be the person, you know, for my family, being vulnerable enough to, you know, let people know that I'm in pain, but also, you know, being the guy, like I still being the guy that is going to show up for my family for the people that I love and, and reflect my mom in those moments like, in when she was alive.

Chris Braden 4:18

Todd Burnham 4:18
And so, you know, there's a two days with her where she was somewhat conscious. And, and I'll never forget those times. And you know, and we're writing notes back and forth. That was the last two that's how we talked.

Chris Braden 4:31
Oh, wow.

Todd Burnham 4:32

Chris Braden 4:32
Did you save those?

Todd Burnham 4:34
No, they didn't you know, because, you know, I mean, and I think about that a lot, you know, I think what a lot of things right now, and with my mom, it's, you know, what is her true legacy? I don't need those I don't need those notes. I know what they said and I know the intention and so like when a lot of times I'll think back and and I'll in everybody when when people die, you're gonna have an initial reactions. Mine was devastation Just an inconsolable amount of grief, especially right after. And then they're almost like, and you start thinking about all of these things I wish I did better. And then I have these moments of peace where I said, you know, like, but this is exactly who my mom made me.

Chris Braden 5:22

Todd Burnham 5:22
You know, so I don't have to feel bad that I didn't call her immediately on this day, or if I was, you know, it. And I say the word short with my mom, and in to understand the relationship. And my mom was so smart. She was talking about this, like, within the past six months. It's like, you know, she was like reaffirming her life almost. And I would get annoyed with her. And I'd be like, Mom, what are you? Why are you talking like this? Like, yeah, but we did it right? Didn't we Todd? Like, of course we did. When we, Mom, mom, we kicked out Yes, get on the treadmill. Like, that's the whole point, you're supposed to be working on this stuff, you know, right. And she would always appreciate the fact she's like, I really needed that kick in the ass. You know, like, growing up a boy with a single mom in Syracuse, New York, who was a social worker. And that's the relationship that my mom and I had, that was one of like, that's love, right? Like, you know that that person is always going to be there. And she knew the exact same thing, right? So who I am, is because of her. And so there was moments and it was painful. And I got to the point where, at where I'm at now, where it was, you know, we, we buried her on May 4. And, and then immediately thereafter, there's this kind of like, I immediately flew home after she passed, and we all came, we all came back. And there's this feeling of there's a there's a there's a passing of like the torch, if you will, okay, I feel it. And I can't explain it. But I feel like she had a message too. And that really is kind of what we've been doing. Like is this, you know, it's a form of a legacy, right? And I'm her legacy, and am I going to be that person that as her only child, that my going to be the person that you know, is it wilts? In the in the face of adversity? Am I going to be the person that gets, you know, gets hard and you know, unapproachable in the face of adversity. And, and so it I had these moments where, and I have my favorite saying of all time in this story. And it was the final words about my mom, right? And so I'll tell you, and this is kind of where my head is at with, what everything that's happened and where I'm going and what you and I might do together. Right. And it's the in this was like I said, you know, her eulogy, and it was the egg, the carrot and the coffee. And I'm shocked that I haven't told you this before.

Chris Braden 7:53
Right? And you asked me that and I was like, No, we haven't discussed that.

Todd Burnham 7:56
We haven't talked about the egg the carrot the coffee on this podcast? Thanks. I'm absolutely shocked.

Chris Braden 8:00
We have it's loose.

Todd Burnham 8:01
Okay. Well, it's it's pointing out right now. So little girl or mom are in the kitchen. And little girl says mommy, like I heard this word at school today. And I want to know what it means. She said what's the worst adversity? Okay, so mom, or dad, whoever, right? All right, start boiling a pot of water, a hot in boiling water on the stove. She says Tell me about the egg. It says okay, well, it's hard on the inside and soft on the are hard on the outside and soft on the inside. That's right. So you're tough. But you're also loving and sensitive, right? And that's what you want to be, and says. So she says, Okay, put it in the hot water. And they boil the hot the egg and it comes out says Tell me about it now says well, it's still hard on the outside, but it's hard on the inside to write. says okay, let's tell me but let's look at the carrot. Tell me about the carrot. Carrot's hard. Strong. Tastes good. It's good for you.

Chris Braden 8:54

Todd Burnham 8:54
Put it in the hot water. What happens? Well, it wilts. That's right. So it got soft. And so says okay, well tell me about the coffee grounds. Oh, you know, you smell good. It's nice. And then what happens when it gets in the hot water? Well, it made the hot water like coffee. It's like That's exactly right. And so this is the benefit of adversity. You can either be hard and become soft, you can wilt in the face of adversity, like the carrot, you can start soft and become hard and be unapproachable and just be hard through life not loving, or you can make everything else better. And and I think about I tell people all the time, like we want to be coffee and I in the way that my mother was she would always make people come over to her house and she's asking about them you know people there that are there to help her she's trying to help her like them. You know she's the first person at Christmas you know or or holiday that's asking six week months in advance like what The kids want. And I go there and I see that, like gifts that we gave her were unopened. She was a giver, right? That was her life's purpose was to, to do that. And, and I told people that and that was my was my final words that my mother was coffee in life and she made everyone's lives better, despite the adversity of having COPD, which basically was suffocating her for 30 years. That, to me is a form of greatness. And in that in those moments, I was inspired to make lemonade. Like, I want to live this kind of life. I want to live a life where we have adversity, and I am a catalyst of or a messenger of change for that. Because that adversity is is necessary. It's like, the thing that creates who we are. It's when you're faced with pressure, what do you do? Right? And, you know, we were talking off, I was talking to someone today, I'm like, I remember when, I used to, like, yell at my kids, you know, it's ineffective. That's, that's, that's the, that's the egg, right? And so adversity is, in these moments, how do we make everyone else better? How do we make the situation better, and that's what my mom was. And that would, that's her legacy. And so I miss her I deeply agree for her and immensely and I also want to continue, who I am, who she created and what her messaging and life was, and continue that and I immediately went my took my daughter's on a road trip, cross country from the funeral ran, how'd that go? It was like the most transformative experience, so I can't answer if I was that was it was Hawaii different? Yeah, it was a different guy, cuz I was like, playing a little bit more chill, but, but I, I feel more purposeful after my mom's death. And, and that is my version of being coffee. Right? And, and I'm an emotional person. And, and for those, you know, when when she passed, everyone saw me and I was a wreck. And then Stephanie Randall creates it with the partners. The so amazing, then, yeah, the Nancy Burnham Equal Justice Project. Yeah. Which is representation for people that are disadvantaged, or, you know, the underdogs that typically domestic violence or child abuse, pro bono services for those people like, that is my mom's legacy. Like, that's, that's it and so that that was like an outpouring of love, like to me, I, I took a video of me just bawling. And I said, this is your fault, Stephanie, you know, so I get it wasn't it's not so much to my mom. I mean, of course, the love that I felt from people was like, the thing that like, got me through that normally. I didn't, you know, I don't think I've had before, I didn't know, but

Chris Braden 12:50
You weren't conscious of how many people actually cared and that were in your corner.

Todd Burnham 12:55
Totally. And like, even you know, my mom's best friend, Sharon, her brother Rick showed and, and he said, Hey, man, those those people are there for you. Yeah. And so it's like,

Chris Braden 13:05
It's humbling, right?

Todd Burnham 13:07
So I'm, I'm like, an emotional guy.

Chris Braden 13:09
Me too.

Todd Burnham 13:10
Right? Like, you're saying, like, you know, like, I'm crying now. You know, so. So I, I immediately thought about my mom's legacy. And we went on a road trip, and we went to where I grew up in Syracuse, and the duplex on the south side of Syracuse. We went, we took pictures we brought she had porcelain ducks in the front yard. So we brought the ducks. There's like one of our favorite animals. And we took pictures of ducks, like so these porcelain ducks are and all these photos of us going across country. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. So I went to Syracuse took a picture in front of the Ernie bank statue, brought a duck stay with my best friend Billy went to my my other' school afterwards, in seventh grade, went to Fayetteville, where I learned lacrosse for the first time, it's where I grew up. My mom took pictures there, went to the field, Niagara Falls, and then drove down to Tennessee, Tennessee. This this is an itinerary after New York. I didn't know what to do. Right. And this was an itinerary that Stephanie Randall put together. So we immediately went to Dollywood. I drove when we drove 12 hours to Dollywood. Dolly Parton is like the queen of the south. Oh, yeah. Her messaging is amazing for young women.

Chris Braden 14:15
That's true.

Todd Burnham 14:16
And it was just incredible. After Dollywood, we went to Nashville, and stopped at a plantation and talked and you know, and just the I felt this movement, this you know, this social injustice movement. And I felt in my mother was someone that was so inspirational, obviously, but, you know, I tell a story on like an Instagram where she dated Floyd Liddell, who Oh, wow, yeah, NFL player. He was Syracuse whether

Chris Braden 14:42
One of the best Hall of Famer but one of the best Bronco running backs of all time.in

Todd Burnham 14:46
He came to our house when I was like in sixth grade and just had dinner with us once like just.

Chris Braden 14:50
Oh really.

Todd Burnham 14:50
And so she used to get in my mom's best friend Sharon told his story how she used to get spit on when she went out dates with Floyd Liddell, oh Lord in the 60s, right so So, the like, the Civil Rights piece was very big for me and women, you know, just empowerment was just everything. And so we did that we went to went to a plantation, we talked about injustice. We then went to Memphis and I think Memphis was the real cool we went, we did the Peabody ducks. They were like, my mom's favorite animals. So they bring the ducks from the like the the atrium down to the the water in the the main area. It's like the fountain. Right? And they were honorary duck masters. My daughters, you know, so I'm getting pictures of this, like they're carrying, you know, ducks then

Chris Braden 15:34
Did you go to Graceland?

Todd Burnham 15:35
We went to Graceland

Chris Braden 15:36
Of course you did.

Todd Burnham 15:36
And we had the tour of and that's why I named the the podcast thing over there, the jungle room that is a jungle room it is and just just Elvis and just being great at something. And then everyone has fought flaws and just I want them exposed to this. Elvis Presley's the king, right? And we're all into music. Then we went to the National Civil Rights Museum, which was part of the like, was incorporated in the Lorraine Motel, room 306, where Martin Luther King was assassinated. We saw that Memphis was a big day.

Chris Braden 16:08
They use a surreal moment did

Todd Burnham 16:10
me tell you like, it was just and this is, and I'm traveling hours upon hours of my daughter's and they're just healing me. Um, we got the ducks, you know, we've got all these things that are happening. And so I'm trying to be coffee, right? I'm trying to, I'm trying to be the person as as I would them present like I'm crying, you know, in the car. It's just it, the whole thing is just transformative. And so, there were with there with me, we go up to the Chain of Rocks Bridge from Memphis, and that's the 2008 where Katy and I cross did our cross country trip. And I showed them where I proposed to their mom, where the Missouri and the Mississippi converge. And where Lewis and Clark started their journey of discovery.

Chris Braden 16:51
Did you set that up?

Todd Burnham 16:52

Chris Braden 16:52
That was so good, man.

Todd Burnham 16:54

Chris Braden 16:54
I failed on that one. Yeah. Proposal. Yeah, I dude big fail.

Todd Burnham 16:59
Look, man, this is like you know, I that everyone's gonna fail in this. I just got some of these things. Right. I got lucky. It wasn't like, I would have stopped near what's weird Lewis and Clark start by the way, just like random you know. We then we then finished with the workout. And we then drove to Topeka from you know, there and Topeka. We were at the Brown v Board of Education. One of the schools started there. This is where Stephanie went to law school. So I stopped in Topeka, Brown v Board of Education. We took pictures with the ducks at that school, talked about segregation, and all that, and then went to the equality house, which is across the street from the Westboro Baptist Church.

Chris Braden 17:43
Oh, Lord God, really?

Todd Burnham 17:44
Yes. So this guy, so the Westboro that one time, Westboro Baptist Church is very anti homosexuals,

Chris Braden 17:54

Todd Burnham 17:55
Everything. It says, like and on it. And this is the you know, kids are gonna listen to this too. And I know kids listen to this podcast, and I'm just gonna tell

Chris Braden 18:01
Well they're despicable. They go and protest soldiers, funerals,

Todd Burnham 18:05
They do.

Chris Braden 18:06
It's disgusting. And

Todd Burnham 18:07
So and across that, you know, God hates fags. Yes. Okay. So, so, you know, I'm at this at the Monroe school. And I tell this one guy, this, this African American dude, that is just is taking our picture.

Chris Braden 18:21

Todd Burnham 18:21
And just a beaut, a beautiful scene of just two people, two men. Yeah, you know, connecting these. He sees that I'm with my daughters. I said, Look, man, this is what we're about. Right? And so I'm also gonna bring him to the unity house. He said, alright bro look, like I'm just telling you, there's like, I get it. But across the street is this church, and it has banners. And it's like, the F word. You know, for homosexuals he said, I'm like, it's cool. Like,

Chris Braden 18:45
We're gonna show them real life.

Todd Burnham 18:47
This is real life stuff here. Right? And so we go, and it's like, these banners. And it's terrible and this hate, right? And I'm also myself and the girls know me. And so, and my son, Oliver, Katy's son, who I've just I consider my son is gay. And so we live like this is I have personal views about people that are like this, you know? And so I did the middle finger and I took a picture of it in front of the church. And then of course, you did it my daughter, Clara sees me. And so she starts doing it. I'm like, Clara, no, no, so Well, you did a daddy and I, but I'm like, Yeah, but you're doing it wrong. She's, like, put it like pointing, you know? I'm like oh, so we don't do this stuff. Right. And the the F word to me is like the N word. That's kind of like the way that in our house, that's, we just don't talk like that. It's like you never use the N word. You never use the F word. You never use the C word or you know.

Chris Braden 19:38

Todd Burnham 19:39
So like, there are words that we just don't use, but we

Chris Braden 19:41
I don't say the C word even

Todd Burnham 19:42
Oh, of course not. No. God, no. So and across the street from this church, is the Rainbow House they call it it's the equality house and I think it's like a equalityhouse.org And it talks they talk about it's basically just the answer and And it's painted in rainbows. It's the antithesis of the Baptist Church. So we took pictures of the ducks right in front of the Rainbow House, and then made it home. And it was a great experience. So I,

Chris Braden 20:13
that Westboro Baptist Church, they've actually come to my church, New Life church in the Springs and protested across the street a few times.

Todd Burnham 20:19
You know, people it's that is, how do we be coffee there? You know, like, that's like the ultimate, you know, right. Yeah. You sometimes like it's Martin Luther King versus Malcolm X.

Chris Braden 20:31

Todd Burnham 20:31
Martin Luther King is, you know, nonviolent protest Malcolm X is, if they use violence, we use violence, neither one of them. To me,

Chris Braden 20:39
There's a case to be said for both of them.

Todd Burnham 20:41
I agree. And so like, I thought it was just a i,

Chris Braden 20:45
It's really cool you even thought of that, because I gotta be honest with you. I'm a Colorado boy. Yeah. And if you've grown up in Colorado, you don't really understand that. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Because, like, like, for me, you know, my daughters talk about, I think that everybody's the same. Like, when they come and tell me a female did this. I'm like, Yeah, of course, like, I'm not surprised. But that's not the environment I grew up in. So it's so cool that you expose them to that

Todd Burnham 21:14
Well, and it was also like how Katy and I started, yeah, this is a journey about their mom, and this all happened. And then like three days later, you know, after the funeral was Mother's Day, you know, and so this was, this was my mom, it's my mom and their mom, and I'm also honoring their mom, I went and after Sarah, before Niagara Falls, we went to Hobart, and William Smith colleges, and we took a picture on the quad and with the ducks. And, you know, I showed him like, this is where mom and, and I met, you know, and so giving them an experience that I don't think they would have had I in that, that is a cherished memory for me and for them and and they're gonna remember it always and

Chris Braden 21:51

Todd Burnham 21:51
and forever. And even having, you know, photos with the ducks. It's my mom carrying on. And so, you know, you're not talked about what do we do with this thing?

Chris Braden 21:59

Todd Burnham 21:59
What are we doing? Like, um, we just talk. I mean, I get on here and I just talk about things and and I'm inspired to talk more. And and so I think this is where, for me at least it's you know, deep bench was really kind of how I built a lot of help Burnham Law and we transitioned to, you know, really, this is, these are other people that are running this and continuing and expanding on a mindset of trying to get to get better every day.

Chris Braden 22:29

Todd Burnham 22:29

Chris Braden 22:30

Todd Burnham 22:31
And so you're not kind of like been riffing on like doing a new one. And I think this is, this is something that that feels right to me, like, how do you keep getting better? And like, how do you? How do you create a legacy? How do you how do you like that, and that goes into hand in hand with so many areas of life. So

Chris Braden 22:51
I will say this, and I think, you know, I don't mean to butt in. But the cool thing about what you're doing is, I think you're a lot like me, I like to always get better. And that's my personal strive. I got personal goals, and I'm doing all that. But my favorite part of life is helping someone else highlighting someone else. And you've done that for me here. And you've since the moment I met you, you're like, you need to like really utilize this. And I'm like, I'm not a guy taking handouts. I guess that's all I can take. I never asked for help. Yeah, which is bad. But you've been on me and you've made sense. And you've really instilled that in me to where, like you're a giver, too, which is cool, man.

Todd Burnham 23:35

Chris Braden 23:36
And I, I 100%. Appreciate it. And the thing about what you talked about with your mom and I went through it with my mom as well, is you're the legacy. Yeah, but do you realize how proud your mom of all the little legacies that you've made for her, her here? That's like, that is something that will live on forever. And I know for my mom, one of the last time she was really coherent, we were literally at my daughter's state soccer game. So they won the state championship. Everyone's going crazy. And that was like, the pinnacle moment. And the proud and that's why I know the your mom, same way just like man look quick look, from this little boy that I had to kick in the ass all these years to where he is now, man, that's an accomplishment.

Todd Burnham 24:27
I appreciate that. And I said at the eulogy, like you know so fortunate for Nancy Burnham because a child like me, growing up without a dad around if I wasn't raised by a social worker that really really cared and was surrounded by friends that were lawyers and therapists Yeah, like Nancy was the I'm I would be in jail institutionalized or dead. And and the reason that that I'm not is because I had a mom who excelled at being like herself and a mom, right?

Chris Braden 24:59

Todd Burnham 25:00
And I was exactly who she needed. And I was exactly and, and she was exactly who I needed. Right. And so one of the things she wrote to me like before she wanted to, like, you know, just intubation, we were writing back and forth. She said, How did you become who you are? And she wrote, like, coming from nothing. And I thought, and I was just like, aw thank, I was so happy for the opportunity to write back to her. And I wrote to her, and it was something along the lines of, I just did everything you taught me. Right, you know, and so she had, she knew that everything about this was because of her and, and so my, my, my passion and my purpose, and I feel good about is coaching people. And it's not really coaching like I coach my kids, right? Yeah. But I'm I, you know, and I'm, and I have a history with, you know, my sponsor is a guy named Wally, right, you know, and it's in, like, with Alcoholics Anonymous is the book that of course, you know, everyone has a book that changed your life, mine is that reading that book, and thinking Grow Rich by Napoleon, Napoleon Hill,

Chris Braden 26:03
old school

Todd Burnham 26:04
old school, and my

Chris Braden 26:05
dad gave me those tapes when I was like, 18, or something, give kid

Todd Burnham 26:09
List if you're listening, if you're, if you're someone that wants to know what to do with their life, like, start with those two books, because a doesn't talk about drinking, you know, that's just a malady that's like a, something that's a result of something else. And it's designed for living. And so like, I look at these things, and talk about them. And, and, and Wally is my sponsor, who's just my friend like, I don't, I'm not someone that goes to meetings. I don't, I don't do that. I feel like I want to give away what I know where that's like a sponsor. So I don't know what this what we're doing and what we kind of we move this towards, but I have a burning desire, As Napoleon Hill would say, to just talk and try to help people do the things that I struggle with and just talk about it. Like, there's like a every day, I'm trying to get better at something. Right.

Chris Braden 27:06

Todd Burnham 27:06
And, and it can be overwhelming if you're like a perfectionist. And so there's, there's a way to do this in a way that's manageable. That is not like this crash diet. And I don't work sometimes, though, to get you there. And but is it maintainable? Now, how do you how do you do these things that are maintainable in life that we can like, benefit from together? And I don't know, I think about these things a lot. And that's kind of where my head's at with it. It's trying to

Chris Braden 27:32
It's funny too when you're working with somebody, whether it's on your body or in a business if they don't understand like, your mindset, like, I think I talked about my trainer, like, Oh, you're doing good. That's not the point. Yeah, I didn't get what I want. Yeah, like, how do I get there? And you're a guide. So like, I would say, you know, you're helping people get better, but like you, especially with the kids, you've coached, but you're more of a guide.

Todd Burnham 27:58
Yeah and I, I think about those things, and I want and that's what my mom was, right? So my concept in my mind is, you know, I tried to reflect and be like her and be like coffee. And, and that's a challenge. It's like, I'm a, I'm a pretty wound up, I'm a guy who's pretty wound up pretty tightly, right? And so I need these other things in my life, these forms of exercise. And, in doing this makes me feel closer to my mom. And so this is my form of therapy and to give it away, and to, to want nothing in return. And that's exactly how she was and I feel, you know, I feel her. I feel or me like with that, so I don't know.

Chris Braden 28:42
Well, the cool thing is, is that I do remember a lot of stories from the podcasts about your mom, like one where you got in trouble in middle school. And I remember I reacted to this, like, I think I said you got stabbed or something. Yeah, go find that episode, because that episodes really good. But I think the cool thing about your message not just on the podcast, but but going forward. Your your messages, literally your mother's message too.

Todd Burnham 29:07
Yeah, that's, that's what I'm doing.

Chris Braden 29:08
And it's basically basically just put together and Todd Burnham form.

Todd Burnham 29:12
It's just my version. Yes. Right. Yes. So and

Chris Braden 29:16
hopefully every generation it gets a little bit better. So then when your kids do it, not only do they have the amazing stuff from your mom, they got all the great stuff from you and your wife, now they're going. You know what I mean? You're really you're

Todd Burnham 29:29
Like Katy and I talked about divorce, like in terms of the concept of it. And so you want to break the chains of dysfunction. But divorce is inevitable. Her parents are divorced, my parents are divorced. And so as long as, and we were talking about this yesterday, like, as long as you're growing together, right? You're growing in the same direction right? Now, that doesn't mean that we're not going to get divorced. Right. So like, there's no guarantees in life. Sure. There just isn't. I love my wife dearly, you know, you never know what happens in life. And so, like, what do we pass on? Like, even in bad moments, even people that you know, have are divorced in life, what can you do as a parent that is like just what the guy does? Or just what the girl does, or, or what does it just a parent does. And so, I look at this as a, you know, these are generalities that I talk about, and I feel that are really important. And it's just kind of what inspires me in that day. Like,

Chris Braden 30:26
I don't, it's funny. Somebody asked me about divorce one time, and with my wife, and I don't know what brought it up. I think they were going through something or whatever. And I go, my wife wouldn't do that. Because she knows I'd be living right next door.

Todd Burnham 30:40
Right? Cuz you're a good death. Right? Well, yeah,

Chris Braden 30:43
wherever she goes, I'm like, right there. Right? And, and I even told my wife, I go, so what do I just, what if I go, What do you think I do? She goes, Oh, yeah, you'd be living next door, she goes, you would just be a bigger pain in the ass.

Todd Burnham 30:56

Chris Braden 30:56
And I was like, Oh,

Todd Burnham 30:58
Well think of this. And think of it from a standpoint of like, what about the people that can't live next door that actually go through it? And how can they be

Chris Braden 31:06
So hard.

Todd Burnham 31:06
It's so hard, right?

Chris Braden 31:08
I don't even want to imagine that.

Todd Burnham 31:09
So the messaging that as a parent we give to our kids has to be really unique to world it can't it's not like the family message, it can be part of the family message. The way that I say it is going to be different than the way Katy says it.

Chris Braden 31:19

Todd Burnham 31:20
And so our messaging and I'm very interested in just messaging, and how we do it and the way that we do it to each other to our kids. And how do we, how do we make sure that our messaging is consistent, so we can have some predictability in life. And so our kids can then have that messaging, which is then part of our legacy that then they expound upon, and that's how we like, change the world. It's the messaging, right? And it starts with us. So I'm in I'm just inspired every day, my wife has her own Instagram account, you know, Back to Earth basics. We are moving towards plastic free, like my kids are growing up.

Chris Braden 31:57
I now I made sure I didn't bring plastic in. I don't know if you noticed.

Todd Burnham 32:00
No, I think that's great.

Chris Braden 32:01
You told me yesterday.

Todd Burnham 32:02
Yeah but look, man, like little things like that the messaging that Katie has is like, she's her big messages, the environment, my big message is coaching and sports. Sure, right. But our message that we combine with is love, you know, and the thing that I want our kids to have, and most importantly, outside of love is grit. And, and, and that hard work. And so all of these things, especially, you know, I got two young ladies that are from Boulder, like, grit is hard to find sometimes, and I find it in sports. They're not living on the south side of Syracuse in a duplex. How do I give them that experience? And so it just made me you know, it opened me up to a lot of different things. And I think I've just talked my face off here. For the next how long was that? Like? 30 minutes?

Chris Braden 32:47
Yeah, man. That's a good. 30 minutes. Yeah, you like, can't be dogging on our 30 minute show.

Todd Burnham 32:53
Okay. So like, I, I want to,

Chris Braden 32:56
That's counterproductive, Todd.

Todd Burnham 32:58
That's right, that's right. And so like, I think I, I just think about these things. And I want, I want people to think about stuff and in little doses. Because I think that if we get stuff, you know, a fire hydrant of information, it's ineffective. And so little bits and pieces, if we can make little, little daily changes, little wins that we'll talk about later.

Chris Braden 33:20

Todd Burnham 33:20
Little wins are are things that matter. And if you can get little wins during the day, and you know, like, for me, it's, I'm trying to get back in, I'm changing my body. So I'm, even after my mom's passing, I'm still trying to do things that are that are moving me forward.

Chris Braden 33:36

Todd Burnham 33:36
That makes me feel good. For me, that's like, you know, I'm trying to stretch 10 minutes a day, little wins, right? Hip, like, hip 21 Day Challenge, I'm done day three of, of changing the way that my hips are so tight. And it's all because I don't want to suck at surfing, you know. And then the other one is like fasting intermittent fasting, I can choose not to eat in the mornings and at night.

Chris Braden 34:00

Todd Burnham 34:00
Those are little wins. And you start getting more and more of those, you start getting a little bit of change. And I think we can do a lot of I think we The world is full of little wins that we can do and and and we start getting better at things.

Chris Braden 34:13
The hip thing's good for all sports, by the way.

Todd Burnham 34:15
It is.

Chris Braden 34:15
I see all these people and I'm teaching them how to play golf. They know how to move them.

Todd Burnham 34:20
I'm telling you, man, when you're 49 years old, your hips change, right?

Chris Braden 34:24
They do.

Todd Burnham 34:24
And so like staying on top, and then it then that in the messaging that I have there is I'm showing my girls that hey, if I don't think that I'm good enough at something, I'm trying to get better at it.

Chris Braden 34:33

Todd Burnham 34:33
Like that's my bounce back.

Chris Braden 34:35

Todd Burnham 34:35
Like go against the bounce back. I'll go do my 10 minute of you know hip stretching so that's kind of where this thing is, you know where my head's at with everything.

Chris Braden 34:43
So you're playing for legacy now and I think really like the the cool thing for me in this whole thing this this whole 30 minutes, which is one of the longest ones we've had it's it's really cool to discuss your legacy, but what your mom brought to the table.

Todd Burnham 34:58

Chris Braden 34:59
And how much she meant to you because what you're going through, like, right when it happened, I'm like, I think I texted you this I go, people don't under they won't understand what you feel like, but they will want to.

Todd Burnham 35:12

Chris Braden 35:13
And it's totally true.

Todd Burnham 35:15

Chris Braden 35:15
Because we all act different like, and the only reason I said that it's because I felt the exact same way I was like, drained done. And the fact that you had the trip and everything came together that was beautiful. Good job, man.

Todd Burnham 35:29
Thank you. And it's my truth, you know, and it's, it's from watched Cameron Crowe's. I was inspired. During this time. In my worst time, I was inspired to watch a movie Elizabeth town by Cameron Crowe, almost Famous, Jerry Maguire. Like I just really liked him as a like writer, director, and similar situation. And I'm like, boom, roadtrip, that's what I'm gonna do. And my wife was all about, it's totally cool. Man, I drove cross country and with tight hips, like, you know, and it was

Chris Braden 35:56
I need to stretch kids. Let me get out.

Todd Burnham 35:58
Oh, God. Daddy's got to go to the bathroom again. It was just it was one of those things. So like, those are those like, for me, that decision was transformative. Right? Like, what are you gonna do a flight back here and do what? I was just gonna mope around. Yeah. And so little decisions like that we can make every day that I think if we can start following our intuition, and, and I want to help people think differently. So as I change and try myself to think differently, I'm, I'm talking about my struggles. I'm not, this isn't like, listen to me, man. I'm a yogi. I'm the first I got yin and yang here. Katy's the one that's into the spiritual books. I'm boots on the ground, like getting dirty here with the people. So I think that's fun.

Chris Braden 36:39
The struggle

Todd Burnham 36:40
is real

Chris Braden 36:41
comes before the win.

Todd Burnham 36:42
Right? Right. Put the work in so like, this is me just talking about the work that I'm doing and maybe hopefully inspire people to do some work themselves on and, and that's it.

Chris Braden 36:53

Todd Burnham 36:54
I got, you know, all I want to do is add some value, just like we you know, just like we did with deep bench. So playing for legacy. Is that the name of this thing? Is that we're doing.

Chris Braden 37:03
Yeah, let's call it playing for legacy.

Todd Burnham 37:04
I like that.

Chris Braden 37:05
All right.

Todd Burnham 37:05
But we reserve the right to change though later.

Chris Braden 37:08
Yeah, you know, whatever. Hey, man. Good stuff, buddy.

Todd Burnham 37:11
Right on. Thanks.

Hey, thanks for listening. Make sure you subscribe, and until next time, keep getting better.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai